This is Claire. Claire is 78 and still teaching ballet. I am approaching 65 and not remotely as able as she is. Of course I have a few extra physical problems being a paraplegic that make me wonder just what life will be like when I get to 78. I am not looking forward to it though that’s easy to say from the safety of my age. 13 years ago 65 was too far away to be of much concern; that’s not to say I didn’t think about it, I just wasn’t able to envisage what life would be like.
Getting old in Zimbabwe is especially problematic. Nobody is going to look after you if you don’t have the money or children and that’s not a given. The state certainly won’t help. You’d better have made a plan and Marianne and I don’t really have one. We do have a two bedroom cottage in the garden which we rent out and when the time comes we’ll move in there and rent out our house. If, or when (if I live long enough), Marianne or I need care we are going to have to make an uncomfortable decision. I am sort of hoping that I will not live that long but talking about one’s death is easy until it actually looms. Given the state of the driving in Zimbabwe it might well happen sooner rather than later. This afternoon on the way to a function we had to take evasive action after an oncoming pickup truck decided to overtake into our lane.
Marianne went this week to see a potential customer for the medical insurance she sells. An elderly lady with glaucoma, she lives in a rented flat in a nearby retirement complex. The management had told her that she would have to give up her accommodation and move into the frail care section. She was incensed and in the end decided to move to her children in South Africa. At least she had the option.
Old age has a checkered relationship with my family. My father was murdered in the Rhodesian war at 52 (he broke the rules and paid the ultimate price) and my mother died at 67 from a misdiagnosed melanoma. My sister died at 62 but my aunt (mother’s sister) turns 95 next month and is bright as a button and still lives in her own house 25 minutes away with a couple of domestic servants to help her. Her oldest brother lived to be 94 and, while still mentally active, ended his days miserable in a care home in the UK. Her other brother died of cancer in his 70s.
Last year after a series of “seizures” I underwent a battery of medical tests. They showed nothing untoward and the physician held up my results of the neck scans on my blood vessels and remarked; “Well, whatever eventually kills you it won’t be your heart – you have the vascular system of a teenager!”. I wasn’t sure if I was pleased or not. A number of friends over the years have succumbed to heart disease and from what I have heard it’s not a bad way to go. Here one moment, gone the next. Dementia and it’s variations; now that DOES scare me! The seizures, episodes of confusion and disorientation, were eventually put down to post-operative cognitive dysfunction (POCD) which was likely caused by the heavy general anaesthetic I’d received whilst undergoing lower back surgery, as a result of the original war injury, two years ago. The physician told me it could last up to two years.
The two years is up next month and the seizures have continued unabated. They come in clusters every six or eight weeks and can be very worrying. After a particularly intense one where I asked Marianne what the name of one of our dogs was and then couldn’t remember where a computer shop was near a bank I use, I decided it was time to go back to the physician. He listened to my account of the seizures, asked questions, and then said “That sounds a lot like temporal lobe epilepsy and, given the fact that last year’s scans showed up no abnormalities, I don’t have any idea what could have caused it”. I have been prescribed medication but it will take some time to work up to the full dose and then see if it works. Worldwide there are an estimated 50 million sufferers of the condition.
My mobility is dismal. After university I cycled across France, Switzerland and Germany then back to the UK (see Reflections on the first half). Then I went traveling around the world. I needed a walking stick and I could carry my own backpack and was independent. Now I need two walking sticks and if I fall over I struggle to get up again without help. I am very glad I went traveling whilst I could. I have come to accept that I am going to need a wheelchair in the near future. I customer did send me some photos of an electric golf cart which he thought might be useful for me to get around in at work but I thought it over the top.
I was never very concerned about falling over until Karole came to visit me at work recently. She was in the St Giles rehabilitation centre at the same time I was – she’d fallen off a horse and sustained spinal injuries that left her with a disability similar to mine. Having spurned walking sticks for years she now uses one and recounted how getting into her car recently she’d fallen over and fractured a hip. She showed me the X-ray, it was spectacular. It’s made me much more cautious to the point of paranoia which is not helpful.
I also met Terry in St Giles. He’d been paralysed in a military parachuting accident and, unlike me, had totally lost the use of his legs. We became good friends and he used to tease me and say that I was just a “weekend para”.
Also unlike Terry, I don’t suffer constant pain. Some days are bad though and I do remember the pain-free days, but in general I don’t have major issues. I do go to the gym four days a week, two under the supervision of a physiotherapist cum trainer, to try and slow down the rot but that’s all it does. For the moment I will rely on my dog Themba to keep me a bit younger.
Zimbabwe Absurdity 
The last day of 65
16 11 2025The watch has seen better days – it’s a lot like me in that respect. I don’t usually wear it these days. As a time piece I use my cell phone which is a bit irritating though not as bad as the watch. It swings down to the outside of my arm so I have to use my right hand to rotate it back so that I can see the time. Added to that is the need for my right hand to hold onto my walking stick – it’s easier to use the cellphone. I am wearing the watch today for nostalgic reasons – not to remind me that tomorrow I’ll be 66. I’m not looking forward to it.
Most people in the civilized world retire at the end of 65. Some are forced to, like my old boss who now lives in Australia. He’s lucky in that his wife has a successful psychology business so he’s doing the bookkeeping and is busy. My brother chose to retire at 70 from being a truck driver in the UK. Apparently he’s busier than ever though is vague on what “busy” entails. There seem to be a lot more photos on our family WhatsApp group (they are definitely improving) and we get rainfall figures to nearest 10th of a millimetre thanks to a new weather system he’s installed at his house. I don’t know anyone in Zimbabwe who’s retired at 65. I won’t be.
I took the decision earlier in the week to tell my staff that they were on notice that I would be closing my seedling company at the end of the year. It’s been losing money for quite some time now but it had finally got to the stage where I couldn’t pretend to myself that somehow it would keep going and I could stay in my comfort zone. The bank account is dangerously low, in no small part to an unwise decision to purchase a container of the coir pith that we use as a growing medium, again based on the misguided belief that somehow we could keep going for another year.
When making the announcement to the labour force my senior foreman reminded me that there were only six weeks to the end of the year and I needed to give three months notice. I told the labour that they would get paid everything owed to them but given the precarious state of the company’s finances they would just have to wait until I could sell off the coir pith and get outstanding debtor’s payments in. They were uncomfortable with the idea so I suggested we get the National Employment Council (NEC) representative, who mediates in employment issues, in to discuss the issue.
On Thursday the NEC lady arrived to talk to the labour force at exactly noon. In a previous discussion she’d advised me that she would try to get the staff to agree to a mutual settlement based on the fact that they’d been paid well over the required legal minimum wage and we’d all benefit. Not surprisingly they stuck to their guns and said they wanted the full payout.
Laying off staff in Zimbabwe is not a cheap exercise, especially if they’ve been employed for a long time as have mine. Fortunately I’d paid them off in 2004 when the Zimbabwe dollar was in meltdown and they were signed back on as contract workers for a further three years before becoming permanent employees again. This meant that the loss of employment compensation, one month’s salary per year of employment, would “only” be calculated for 18 years. Add the required gratuity, a more complex but less expensive (for me) calculation, and the amount per person would come to over US$3,000.
I told the NEC rep that there was simply no way that I could pay the approximately US$36,000 at the end of the year on top of the required three months salary per person. She emphasized that it was a legal requirement. I explained that even if I could sell off the meagre company assets it would not cover the bill and could anyway not be done in the time frame. We were at an impasse. She said she’d talk to her boss.
The next morning I came to a decision: as I was going to have to pay an extra six weeks wages at the end of the year I might as well close the company at the end of February ’26 and at least get some work out of the labour force. It would also buy me time to sell off the coir import (due to arrive in about two week’s time) and get in outstanding debts. The extra time is unlikely to make any money for the company given the record of the past few years but at least I could breathe a little easier.
So in the time left before I turn 66 I’m going to try and forget the stresses of closing down a business that I’ve run for 26 years, mostly successfully, and do things that I enjoy.
If the weather holds, it’s supposed to rain this afternoon but doesn’t look like it will happen, I’ll go to the local polo grounds to fly my FPV (first person view) drone. I’m not much good but it’s fun flying through the car park surrounded by trees. There will be other model plane fliers there if I need help. Then I’ll head back home for a late tea and a supper of salmon (yes, just about anything is available for a price in Zimbabwe).
Tomorrow morning we’ll be up at 10 to five to go walk the dogs and I will be 66.
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Tags: getting old, gratuity, life, retirement, retiring
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