Zimbabwe Absurdity

Dave is a congenial fellow who owns a smallish irrigation supply firm in Harare. He supplies mainly the horticultural sector but does a few other things too like mini pressure systems for households which supply a domestic setup from a storage tank. He is well stocked as I remarked to which he replied yes, but now he has to try selling it. I asked about how other companies are doing (hey, this is a small place and everyone knows everyone else’s business) commenting that they must be doing OK with all the government lending schemes for farmers (on newly “acquired” farms) wanting to put in irrigated wheat over winter. I have lost track of how many of these schemes there have been but they are often announced to great fanfare in the local press and then just seem to fade until the next one is announced. The latest is entitled “Agricultural Sector Productivity Enhancement Fund” or just Aspef. Dave told me that yes, irrigation systems were moving out to the farms but in the time taken to process the application at the bank and get the money to the supplier the price had often at least doubled so little of use was getting out to where it was intended to go. So it seems that we will remain an agricultural basket case for a bit longer.

Not all recipients of Aspef money are “new” farmers. Some of the handful of white commercial farmers still farming have managed to get funds which supposedly should have made them immune to forced takeover. I see in this week’s Zimbabwe Independent that Neville Stidolph in the Karoi area has been arrested (after receiving Aspef funds) for ignoring an eviction notice. He was told by senior government officials in the area to stay put. I am not surprised and I suppose Mr Stidolph is neither but that cannot make it any easier for him to stomach.

Diplomacy: the art of having a working relationship with someone you don’t like (thanks to my ex-diplomat friend Terry for that one).

I have had a crash course in diplomacy this last week; dealing with a workers’ union representative. He was polite enough I suppose but I really don’t see why I had to show him how I worked out the new wages for my staff and how I worked out the back-pay (a uniquely Zimbabwean concept) for the last 6 months. Actually, that’s not quite true, I co-operated because it was the quickest way to get rid of him.  It seems that the government changed the definition of what horticulture is in January with the result that my labourers suddenly got a 100% increase as they were no longer employed under the definition of general agriculture. OK, so it’s bit complicated but just part of the daily hassle of employing in Zimbabwe. I had already been paying well over the thoroughly unrealistic wage scale for general agriculture so it did not work out to be as much as it could but I could never have got anyone to work for the official rate. So this representative of the Zimbabwe Horticulture and Allied Workers Union pitches up and promising my staff major increases in wages signs them all across from the officially registered General Agriculture Producers and Workers Union of Zimbabwe (GAPWUZ). ZHAWU is not a legally registered union with the Ministry of Labour so I am under no obligation to collect union dues (seriously, we have to collect the dues of registered unions) but they are free to recruit members. So to cut the story to a manageable length, I dealt with a loud voiced, in-your-face  “official” who reeked of old cigarettes for two days. I even had to do the calculations for him. Everything was in order and no-one was cheated and at the end of it he did actually thank me for my co-operation but it did take a lot of self control to ride it through without cracking and telling him to “go away”.  I suppose other countries have the same issues but I’d like to think that the union officials are a little more sophisticated.

The latest issue of Edge is up to its usual high standard with, amongst other things, two essays; one on the decline of violence over history and the other on why good men turn evil. Both have a bearing on the Zimbabwe situation. The first, by Steven Pinker, catalogues how violence has actually declined over history, contrary to popular belief. The second is a talk with Philip Zimbardo entitled “The Heroic Imagination” in which he discusses how little we know about heroism (almost entirely unknown here) and how easily good men can turn evil in a bad situation. In the early 1970’s he conducted the now famous Stanford Prison Experiment in which a group of male students were allocated roles as either guards or prisoners in a mock jail. It was due to run 2 weeks but had to be stopped after 6 days because “prisoners” were showing signs of serious mental trauma and the guards were getting over enthusiastic – all volunteers were given a thorough psychological screening beforehand. It is a scary read but worthwhile.

So goes the slogan for this year’s HIFA (Harare International Festival of the Arts). I’m reliably informed that it is the biggest international arts festival in Africa and this year I can believe the hype! I have been attending regularly for the past three years and this year I must admit the line up is as large as it is impressive, i.e. huge! It is held in the first week of May so I have over-committed myself to six days of top class entertainment, but at least my boss approves (that’s me).
I know the husband of the executive director, Maria Wilson, so I do get some of the inside information of behind scenes going on. Maria is very entertaining at the best of times but with a few glasses of wine she becomes hilarious. I guess it is just what goes on at any arts orientated function but to those of us educated in the austere world of science, it sounds almost scandalous; admittedly delightfully so. Anyway, as I was perusing the programme and what to watch and getting a serious case of want to see “wantitis”, I noticed that under the list of acknowledgements was the Zimbabwe Board of Censors. I kid you not. I do know that EVERY script (classical music included) must be submitted to the Board for approval. I am sure the emphasis is on politics as last year we got “The Vagina Monologues” which is quite sexually explicit (I believe). This year the renowned South African satirist, Pieter Dirk  Uys wanted to come and perform but refused point blank to remove any skits on Bob. So he was declined an invite. I guess we are not getting Spitting Image any time soon!

I got into work this morning to find a request for money on my desk. This particular request happens once a year and is from the local branch of the ZANU-PF (ruling party) so that the party faithful can celebrate Independence Day on the 18th. In the past I have managed to be out when they came calling for the money and though I cannot guarantee that I will be out this year I have no intention of donating a thing. There are several things that make this year’s request a bit different:
1. It is from a white farmer (whites are not traditional supporters of ZANU-PF) who I suspect of arse creeping in order to hold onto his farm – maybe.
2. The funds will be administered by the aforementioned farmer, maybe to give an air of respectability?
3. They have had the cheek to set a lower limit of $300000 (about US$15).
4. There is a “deadline”  of the14th April.

There is an implicit threat to the letter – give us some money or else. Obviously the “or else” is not stated but it may mean “we could make life difficult for you” or not. I certainly don’t support ZANU-PF and don’t have a membership card. I don’t belong to any political party for that matter and cannot see why they shouldn’t go and ask the party faithful for funds; isn’t that what membership is for?

Easter weekend was spent in Mozambique with friends. I have been visiting my friend Gary who works for an NGO just outside Gorongoza National Park for a few years now and every time I have been down there I have marvelled at how the Mozambican currency has gained strength against the Zim dollar. The curious thing is that on re-entering Zimbabwe I still feel like I am coming back to civilization. Mozambique is a dirty country; rubbish clogs the streets and it has an unkempt air about it. It does not help that few buildings have been painted since colonial times (1970’s) and the buildings themselves are frequently ugly – the Portuguese were heavy handed with the concrete (though some buildings must have been grand long ago). However, the street lights all work which is more than I can say for Zimbabwean towns. Markets are colourful affairs and we visited one in the local town of Gorongoza where I took the photo. The local speciality is chilli chicken and chips which can be very tasty when done properly. We sampled the local fair in Gorongoza but decided that we would not go back to the particular place that served us chilli paste complete with maggots crawling out of the jar! We survived, probably due to a lifetime of stomach conditioning in Africa!

Hopefully there will be fire but I will believe it when it happens. Tuesday and Wednesday are slated for a mass stay away and demonstrations. We have been this route before though and not much happened. But I must say that I have had several inflammatory emails from the ZCTU (Zimbabwe Congress of Trade Unions sic) calling for support and citing the Zimbabwe Students Union as saying “We are starving, we will eat your teargas!” Right. That I would like to see (from a distance). Yes, I suspect that most businesses will close and most people will “stay away”,  but other than that I am sceptical that anything of lasting importance will happen.

On Thursday I was going into the industrial sites. One can see many things for sale on the street corners; newspapers, brooms, baskets, phone cards etc. but this was the first time I have seen puppies. Yes, they were being held correctly but I couldn’t help feeling a twinge of sadness – it seems people will try to sell anything these days. Part of me wanted to stop and buy them and give them a good home but I have not got space for more dogs or even  give them to the SPCA but there they would just be put down as is their policy these days (“we cannot guarantee them a good future but we can give them a good death”). And of course it would just fuel the market which is the last thing I want to do. So they are likely doomed. Poor little guys. One of them was yawning in the way that puppies do.

Rumours abound (situation normal) but I heard a really good one on Friday from a rather dilly customer (she wanted to know if she could grow almonds in Kariba – um no, not many chill units there). Had I been watching CNN? No, I don’t have satellite TV – a reply that usually brings quizzical stares (see satellite poverty – and earlier post). Apparently the end was nigh, there were rumblings from the local military and Bob was importing some supposedly more loyal Angolan military to bolster his confidence.

Like all good rumours there are elements of truth:
1. The military IS restless.
2. There IS general restlessness in the country.
3. There IS lots of talk of the “endgame”, mainly in the international press.

While I have not checked out the CNN website, I have checked out the BBC which does have good Zimbabwe coverage and there was no mention of Angolan troops and I have not heard this one from any other sources. I did also wonder how they would get here. Overland via Zambia? I doubt the Zambians would want to get involved that way. By air (over Zambia) and into Harare? Way too risky – a “reception committee” would be easily set up and not necessarily on the ground!

Apparently there is another general stay away planned for the 2nd and 3rd of April. One of my banker customers sarcastically commented that it was to be “the final push”. Was this the 2nd or 3rd final push, I asked. Oh at least the 3rd, was the reply. We both laughed but it is not really funny. We both know what the result will be. Some small scale rioting might happen and will be crushed by the police. Most businesses will operate behind closed doors, fearful that they could lose “vital” production or be targeted by government intimidators for supporting the action. Little will change although the political temperature will climb a couple of degrees which is not a bad thing.

It does seem that Mugabe’s own government is plotting a revolt (see http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6490805.stm) but the cynic in me suspects that it is more to do with saving their own skins than the nation’s. South Africa is at last waking up to the damage that it could cause to their World Cup ambitions in 2010 (wow, at last, thanks guys!) and they don’t want the remaining 8m (or thereabouts) piling across the border. We live in hope.

At last someone has said it! Pius Ncube, outspoken Catholic archbishop has said that Zimbabweans are cowards. I said it a little more diplomatically in my previous post; they are waiting for someone else to take action.

Yesterday I was out shopping and doing other business things. I  can only draw 1000000 Zim dollars in cash from my corporate account; that’s about US$50 at yesterday’s rate. There’s not a lot one can buy with that, especially as businesses are shying away from cheques that take 5 days or more to clear. eBanking does get around that one to some extent but you usually  need to know the company involved. I believe that the new $50000 notes are now out (US$2.50) but they have only been seen in Reserve Bank wrappers and are not in the banks. Curiously the governor of the RB is accusing the fuel suppliers of driving the exchange rate!

The exchange rate (parallel or black market for the less PC) is around 200000:1 for cash and up to 30000 for electronic. This is a jump of around 25% in less than a week. The 0’s, 3 of them, that were knocked off at the beginning of October last year are now effectively replaced. The de facto unit of currency is now back to 1000. How much is that? 234 (000). I paid 300 for that last week! I mean 300000.

Those selling currency sell only what they need to get them to the next sale. This sounds obvious but with the rate moving several percent a day there is no point in changing anything but the essential. It therefore makes it difficult to find substantial amounts as a small buyer.