Zimbabwe Absurdity

On the way out to the airport again this morning for more software consultations and I had to pass under the freedom arch just before the airport. It is an uninspiring structure consisting of a rectangular concrete arch over the road and on the east side it rises up into a big pointed “V”. The V apparently signifies a person reaching up exalting in freedom from the oppressive colonial rule (which gave the country hospitals, education and an infrastructure) but looks far more like someone “flipping the bird”. I have never been tempted to stop and find out if there is more to it than this and I doubt the sour looking policeman with an AK47 ostentatiously “guarding” it would be of much help or even welcoming. I mean, do they really think that someone would want to go to the effort of blowing it up? Graffiti is, I suppose, a bit more likely but graffiti artists seem to be a bit thin on the ground in Harare.

I was quite surprised to see the policeman there today as it is the first time I have seen any sort of guard there in many years. Just after independence armed guards were to be found on just about all the major bridges and communications setups in the country but eventually someone realized that no-one was really interested in destroying a bridge (or maybe, just maybe they realized that blowing up a structure that large was a major undertaking) or they decided to economize and the guards were removed.

There are a few flag poles with backings for posters of visiting heads of state and dignitaries alongside a car park next to the arch but they are looking decidedly rusty and otherwise tatty so I do hope that the official motorcades do not stop there to admire the “bird” on the way into town. Maybe they get regaled with tales of derring-do in the struggle for independence (why is “struggle” such a popular word in third world countries – are they so inept that they cannot wage a “war”?) and conveniently ignore the desolation, non-working traffic lights and litter on the way into town. Flipping the bird, it’s more appropriate than anything I could have thought of.

The power is off and this is no planned cut. It was pouring with rain earlier and even a bit of thunder when it went off which is a bad sign. It’s likely to be off all weekend now unless something unusual happens and they actually get around to fixing it. Not surprisingly they used to be keen to work after hours – the overtime was attractive but these days they just shrug over the phone and claim to have no fuel.

So I’m typing this by the light of the computer (laptop) monitor and a candle behind me; one of the most modern light sources and one of the oldest – I like  that. It’s just as well that I can touch type as neither light is particularly good! The candle holder is one of my own inventions, a half coconut shell with a spike through the bottom for the candle and three 50cm brazing rods suspending the shell from a hook. To keep it looking really good the brazing rods should be regularly polished but I don’t bother. Still, it’s effective and rather evocative. I even have this fantasy where they are used in some sci-fi movie by an escort of diaphanously clad damsels lining a dark corridor as they shepherd the hero to his doom or ecstasy or whatever. My part in the fantasy is getting paid lots of real money for the idea.

It’s a funny thing the creative force. How do original ideas actually arise? I suppose one day we will understand all these things; what chemicals trigger hate, love, lust and all the other things we are probably better off not understanding for then where would mystery be? In my next life (speaking metaphorically of course) I want to be more creative. I also want to be able to understand quantum physics and general relativity. Hell, why not go the whole hog and be drop dead handsome and have an Olympic athlete’s body too? Is anybody out there listening – it’s not a lot really. Never mind then.

I am fascinated with light sources and constantly dreaming up new designs of lights and lamps. I don’t know why, maybe it’s a boy thing.  I’m not very good at transforming the ideas into reality though. That’s the frustrating thing about being semi-artistic, I can see the idea in my head but I find it difficult to make it into reality. Maybe that’s just as well – some of the pictures I’d like to paint are not polite! Which reminds me; I walked into the local branch of my personal bank (different one from the corporate account) to deposit money earlier this week. On the counter was a box with a poster on the side “We want to know what you are thinking!” I couldn’t resist it. I smiled at the teller lady and said; “No, I really don’t think you want to know what I’m thinking!”. She giggled “We mean what you are thinking about us”. “I know”, I said. I don’t know what colour black people go when they blush but she saw the humour and laughed. In a more civilized country I’d probably have been warned for sexism or something daft.

I heard a great idea recently. Everyone is aware that Harare City Council has no money; refuse is not collected, there is frequently no water and potholes are liberally sprinkled on the roads. The street lights often don’t work either and of course they use electricity when they do work and it has to be paid for. So their proposal is this: all houses must put up a light either side of the gate and the problem will be solved! The streets are lit and lights paid for by the residents! Neat idea.

I was out at a company near the airport today, installing some software that I have developed and finally managed to sell. They deal entirely in forex and as such quite frequently have a problem sourcing Zimbabwe dollars so one way to get around it is to sell fuel for which they have paid hard currency. Today they were selling diesel for $64000 a litre. Last week Wednesday I bought diesel from another source for $36000, that’s nearly 100% devaluation in a week!

It is well known that the government parastatal companies (electricity etc.) occasionally have to source real money, so they go along to the Reserve Bank, get as much cash as they need and go onto the “street” and buy. This of course drives the rate up as it has done over the last week. They have something of an unfair advantage as the rest of us can only withdraw $3 million from a corporate account at any one time. This limit was imposed by the powers that be ostensibly to limit cash on the street and to keep the exchange rate down. It also has the convenient side effect of giving those that do have access to unlimited cash (easily printed) something of a captive market.

In the last week that the exchange rate has run I have been polishing up the software that I was installing and not paying too much attention to the rate. It has been expensive as the equivalent of US$1000 that I have in the corporate account has doubled in number but remained the same in real value! I should have been buying, anything! This begs the question about what to do about going on leave – can I afford to be away for even a short time?

I have told the company which is buying the software that I want US$1000 equivalent (in Zim dollars) for it in an attempt to get something of value for all the hard work. However, if they pay me by cheque it will take 5 days to clear through the bank and then I will only be able to get 3 million in cash a day. By the time I can start to use it, it may well have halved in value. There is also a limit on cheques of 50 million (though you can write two or more of a lesser amount) but most companies don’t like accepting cheques and one often has to wait for them to clear before you are allowed to collect the goods. About the only option left is to make a direct transfer which has no limit. But one does want to buy something that has resale value and anyway, what can you buy for US$1000 equivalent? I dunno.

The last entry in my paragliding log book is in April 2005. Then I had an amazing solo flight in the Zambezi valley. Having become fed up with the Zim paragliding attitude (same dull old flying, week in week out) I’d bought an old Land Cruiser, done it up and taken a driver from work up to the Zambezi valley to fly by myself. It’s an amazing site at St Albert’s Mission. It rarely fails to deliver and I have only had one flight less than 20km with the average in excess of 30 and a best of 85km. That day the wind was wrong in Harare but I said to Fabion, the driver, let’s go anyway as I really wanted to get out of town. In those days fuel was scarce but still cheap, it is the exact opposite now. When we got to the site it was over cast but it soon cleared and looked promising. I dithered, I was nervous about flying by myself but eventually I got it all together and took off. It was an amazing flight. Not very far at about 38km but everything else was perfect. The visibility was so good that I could see Kabora Bassa lake some 100km to the north. Thermals were exactly where they should be and it was just so much fun. I was still buzzing at 2 o’clock that night!

Two years and two knee operations later I finally got back into the air this weekend. It was a large gathering of pilots by Zim standards – 9! The weather in the Honde Valley in the eastern highlands was not great but it was flyable and as always the scenery was painfully beautiful. The Honde is the most densely settled rural area in Zimbabwe. In my youth there was substantial dense forest (low altitude of 600m and high rainfall) but it is now mostly gone and can only be found on the slopes of Mt Inyangani, Zimbabwe’s highest mountain at around 2500m. The rest of the valley is no longer fertile but is over-cultivated and badly eroded. Yesterday I had a reasonable flight in very light conditions and eventually sank out to land near a primary school still some distance from the valley floor (the valley is some 80km long by 30 wide at its widest and drops from the Zimbabwe escarpment to the Mozambique plain). I was soon surrounded by the usual gang of kids out for some entertainment (no TV down there). A couple of older people helped me fold up the glider and carry it to the school soccer field. We had the usual conversation about how harsh life was and one commented that you whites have it easy because you all have relatives overseas. This is not quite true as a large proportion of the whites here are second or third generation Zimbos and so have no escape hatch in the form of another passport. I then pointed out that at least 3 million blacks are estimated to live outside the country so they have managed to make a plan. I did not bother getting into the nitty-gritty about why we were in such a mess, that area of the valley is traditionally a ZANU-PF (governing party) stronghold so it would have been a little unwise. We parted on friendly terms (having had the entire conversation in good English thanks to Comrade Robert’s now rapidly collapsing education system!) with no promises to be back soon – we are paying first world prices for fuel and earning third world salaries. Down at the school there was the usual teeming mass of kids, shouting, laughing inappropriately and generally out to make the best of a very small bit of entertainment. At this time of year it’s often what I call a mobile TB ward down there. Snot flying, dripping, coughing, hacking. Once controlled in the rural areas, TB is now making a major comeback so I am sure that I have had at least some exposure this weekend! Still, I believe that I owe my reasonable health to an upbringing that was less than sterile.

Back on top of the hill and packing up we had a small crowd of kids just watching. They never seem to get bored of just watching a group of whites fly off a hill and do other very ordinary things, like eat. I did feel a little self conscious tucking into a home made chocolate cake that they would never be able to afford. I reflected that Jenni probably had a more balanced diet than they did although I did not notice any obvious signs of malnutrition, something that I have observed in the Zambezi valley.

Well I’m not a Catholic, in fact I am an atheist, so I cannot even begin to fill in the rest of the title but thanks to a tip off I have found that Comrade Bob is building himself a shrine. For approximately 4 million US dollars we are going to get a shrine, a memorial to the wondrous deeds of our dear leader. It will contain, amongst other things, photos of His Nibs leading fearless guerillas in the Second Chimurenga (revolution), texts of his speeches both famous and otherwise, and a stuffed crocodile. Not any stuffed crocodile this, but a 50 year old male donated by his brown-nosing acolytes to symbolize, um, leadership? Maybe His Nibs is aspiring to the “personality cult” of the late leader of Turkmenistan who amongst other things built gold statues of himself that followed the sun. I got that little gem from an Israeli engineer who passed through here a few years back and had done several trips to Turkmenistan installing cotton quality analysing machines. Ah that we can afford multi million dollar shrines to our leader. While Zimbabwe starves Bob builds. And starve it will this year. The rains were unreliable as they often are in southern Africa so the maize harvest (ongoing) will be poor. But all is not lost. In will step all the various aid agencies to feed the masses and just coincidentally there is a general AND presidential election next year. So, you guessed it, food will be dished out to those who promise to vote the right way. Nothing new there.

It is worthwhile noting that Comrade Robert considers himself a Catholic. I suppose that Catholics do build shrines, though not often to themselves. It is also worthwhile noting that the Catholic church has not excommunicated him (though various student bodies and others are calling for the action). Maybe he is just not “controversial” enough? Or is it perhaps that abortion is only legal in Zimbabwe in the first trimester and for cases of rape, incest or where the mother’s health is endangered. (Pity the poor Nicaraguans where ALL abortion is outlawed. Sorry Mrs Gonzales, but both you and your child are going to die, but don’t worry, God loves you still). However, I did hear somewhere that Edinburgh University was considering withdrawing an honorary doctorate bestowed on Bob some years back for his services to education in Zimbabwe. Never mind, he can always fall back on his “degrees in violence” – I wonder if THAT speech will make the shrine displays?

And all the while my country burns. I got forwarded an email from my brother in the UK recently. He’d included a letter from an old family friend who lives just outside Mutare in the Eastern Highlands on a small property of about 20ha. Good friends of hers (whom I know) have to move off their dairy farm by September to make way for the new “owner” who happens to be the permanent secretary for agriculture. He is going to grow wheat and has not farmed before. The dairy farmer who is going to sell his entire herd for slaughter provides the local town with around 3000 litres of milk a day. The herd was started by his mother 72 years ago. He also grows the country’s only seed sorghum. Sorghum is a major constituent of the opaque beer that the locals love so much. So I guess the brewery will just have to import some sorghum – perhaps Robert could cut his shrine budget a little to provide for some beer for his loyal servants? Sue continues that her 91 year old father died recently but his body could not be cremated for five and a half weeks due to shortages of gas and maintenance issues (but how about a Hindu cremation in Kadoma?).

I was wondering about that shrine. Will we all be allowed to go and visit it? And take photos? That’s “we” the whites of Zimbabwe. There is of course another much bigger (well I ASSUME it will remain bigger) shrine to the fallen heroes of the 2nd Chimurenga. It is called “Heroes Acre” and is just outside Harare on the Bulawayo road (there are Heroes Acres dotted around various centres in the country but this is the most prestigious). It’s much bigger than an acre now that more heroes have died, often of mysterious car accidents or long illnesses. It does tend to be reserved for the Party Faithful, including the likes of Chengerai “Hitler” Hunzvi who was one of the architects (if you can call him that) of the 3rd Chimurenga, also known as the Fast Track Land Reform that sees so many Zimbabweans starving now. I have a feeling I would not be welcome there, and definitely not with a camera.

And another thing. Why a shrine now? Contemplating your mortality Robert? Perch a little shaky is it?

I am having a bad day. It does not really matter why, I am just feeling emotionally trashed. So it was a nice surprise when a customer (I don’t even know his name) came up to me in the car park of a local shopping centre and thanked me for the advice I’d given him on his bean crop which was now looking great!  I did remember the occasion when he came into my office for advice; we don’t sell beans or bean seedlings (pointless as they are sown direct) but I am happy to give out advice, and who knows, they may even come back with an order and tell their friends. Anyway, the clouds in a cloudless sky lifted slightly and I wondered if I should be in a job that deals with people more.

I passed through work this morning to pick up some seedlings for a friend. My landlord called into the office to tell me that the latest wage schedules were out; ZW$200000 per month for basic labourers. Wait for it -that’s US$5.71 A MONTH! Of course if you divide by the “official” rate of 250:1 then it’s US$800 a month which would make them quite well paid by third world standards. Still, it’s an increase of 200% over last month.

I subscribe to Newsweek but it usually arrives at least 2 weeks late and in batches of 2 or 3. The most recent one describes new techniques in reviving those who have had a heart attack and not got CPR in the first critical 15 minutes. It appears that the old method  of jolting the heart and infusing massive quantities of oxygen into the blood was just killing the heart cells which could remain alive for several hours. New methods include cooling the body down and slowly infusing oxygen and starting the heart. One small study recorded an 80% success rate vs. 15% for the traditional jump-starting. Now that would be a really bad day if you ended up in the traditional treatment set!

Like any government that is making a complete mess of things, the Zim government likes to shed the blame elsewhere. Profiteering in the private sector is a favourite scapegoat for driving inflation. Sometimes they are right.

I was chatting to Barry down in the industrial sites at lunchtime today, biding my time until the businesses opened from their lunch break. Barry knows how to relax and has just come back from two weeks on the Mozambique coast. He noticed that when he got back the business from which he buys his wood working screws had put up their prices by 400%. This particular  business imports its screws and other industrial fasteners from South Africa so one can expect them to put up the prices with the “parallel” exchange rate but I KNOW that it has not changed 400%. In fact the rand has gone from 1:4000 to 1:5000 in that time. So the charge of profiteering is valid.

Lengthy water cuts are a common phenomenon in Harare these days, and surprisingly they are not always linked to the power cuts. Earlier, whilst waiting for a plastic sheeting order (it had been placed 4 months ago so a bit more waiting was nothing too serious), I looked up into the roofing of the particular warehouse where I was and examined the sprinkler system.  Yes, I was seriously bored. It occurred to me that it was probably completely useless a large proportion of the time – no water.

[The following quote in italics is from today’s BBC website: ]

Zimbabwe has been elected to head the UN’s commission on Sustainable Development (CSD) despite strong objections from Western diplomats.

They had said Zimbabwe was unsuitable because of its human rights record and economic problems. It is suffering food shortages and rampant inflation.

But Zimbabwe has dismissed such criticism, calling it an insult….

…“When they tell the African group to change, it’s an insult to our intelligence – that we Africans can’t think,” he said.

To my mind this is a bit like making Pol Pot the chairman of Amnesty International. It IS an insult! It is an insult to everyone’s intelligence and no doubt the government papers will be crowing long and loud tomorrow. This is nothing to do with Zimbabwe’s ability to head the CSD and everything to do with poking a finger in the eye of the EU. Zimbabwe is a sustainable development nightmare and it will backfire on the African block that voted Zimbabwe in. I would even go so far as to say that it is probably racially motivated “you whites cannot tell us blacks what to do”. Pathetic, hypocritical and cutting off the nose to spite the face.