Zimbabwe Absurdity

“This is not a suture kit, this is really unacceptable!”
The doctor was not impressed though he did admit that “Suture kit” was written on the cover.
“Do you know what this is?” he asked me rhetorically as he replaced the kidney bowl on the shelf. “It’s a vaginal exam kit”. That had me in stitches (excuse the pun) for the next couple of minutes.

I’d got to the nursery that morning to find that despite or because of the two security guards, we’d had 30 trays of seedlings stolen the previous night. On hearing that his 20 dollar bonus was not going to be forthcoming one of the security guards resigned there and then. There was no power either so I went off in search of some rat poison and paint brushes.

I had to settle for extortionately priced paintbrushes. The rat poison was in paper sachets under a brand name I did not recognize. I looked closer. There was a purple triangle (very toxic contents) and the active ingredient was “aicarb”. Now I’ve heard of aldicarb (trade name Temik® and the poison of choice for killing dogs in Harare – a piece of meat, a few granules of Temik® and the dog is dead in 20 minutes) which also a purple label. I quizzed the salesman but he was clueless. Aldicarb is also a purple label chemical and is supplied in granule form as a result of being covered in lime which makes it a bit safer to handle. This was in powder form and in a paper sachet. I gingerly put it down – it might have been something else entirely but I wasn’t about to find out.

I went to the swimming pool to work off my bad mood but it did not help; I just could not get going properly. I did get a bit tired though which I’ll blame for my lack of concentration at the gym. I forgot to pick up my left foot properly (yes I still have to think about walking) and went down hard. Damn, that hurt but at least there’s no blood. Oh wrong, it soon started to run from the left side of my face.  Margie, the resident physiotherapist, gave me a lift to the Michael Gelfand clinic in town where there is a 24 hour emergency facility. The young receptionist paused as she saw the state of my face (it WAS impressive!) so I made a facetious comment about Margie hitting me with a baseball bat. The orderly who cleaned up my face was young too. As was the nurse who gave me a tetanus injection and the other nurse who took my blood pressure and temperature. The doctor must have been in his late 20s too and had come back from a frustrating work experience year in London (didn’t like the food, the weather or the people) to a fortuitous business opening. He also has a private practice and gave me his business card as I left. I asked him if I’d have to cancel my supermodel shoot that afternoon. He said probably! I liked him and was impressed with the setup of the clinic. Perhaps this really is the start of a turnaround. The future of this country will depend on the likes of the staff at the clinic, young and ready to work hard. My generation is probably a bit long in the tooth to do much.

I repeated the baseball bat joke to the three people in the waiting room as Margie and I walked out. I added a nail to the end of the bat just for effect. It was not funny.